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Royal Tourist Attraction Comes to Stay

As published in the Hill Times: January 29, 2020

Are you a fan of the world’s most profitable human tourist attraction? Do you love to fawn over famous people who have no last name? Well, here’s your chance to bask in the royal glow of prince Harry and Meghan since this pair will soon grace us with their presence. While Meghan is a sitcom actress with a talent for commercial endorsements; Harry is the absentee duke of some inherited UK patch and the grandson of your plodding monarch; our lady of many hats.

Perhaps you’re a Senator, MP or senior bureaucrat who automatically received a spiffy 75th Royal Jubilee medal as part of the nearly $8 million Harper spent to indulge his royal fetish? If so, get polishing in case Harry wants a peek. Then again, he has his own trinkets, likely including one for his excellent Afghanistan adventure. I’ve always thought that regular soldiers dreaded the extra risk of serving with celebrity bullet-magnets.

Unfortunately, royalty will endure until Canadians realize that the monarchy is nothing but a pricey cult of personality. It’s worth remembering that British rulers once had arbitrary powers of life and death over their subjects and that much of their personal wealth is derived from the business of inflicting British violence on other nations.

However, if you must venerate the “crown”, you may agree with an anonymous monarchist who once wrote of royalty, “…I shouldn’t have to adore them personally. That they are Royal is enough. Our job as subjects is to line the parade routes and bow meekly as they pass.”